i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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