When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
