Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
