Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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