just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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