Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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