Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
