Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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