Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize