There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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