he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
