I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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