Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
