i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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