ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Even my vagina gasped.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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