There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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