I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
