Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
