Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
