My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
