wanna go halves on a baby?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
