The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
