so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
