sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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