i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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