Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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