Swine flu. Run for my life!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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