real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
