So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
