I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize