They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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