I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
