I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
