just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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