I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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