Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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