Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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