We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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