Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
