When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize