I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am one with the molecules
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You don't make any sense
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