We're like a lot better than the average bears
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize