He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm like, not good at living.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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