Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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