Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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