This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
