I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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