do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
