Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So squirting runs in the family.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
