Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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