You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
