Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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