my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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