It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
