Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
