Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
