I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
