We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
