my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
