What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
