Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
