real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
