yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
