So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize