you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
