I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
